I've tried out keeping a few other blogs, but this blog is me. (And sometimes it's also G!)
I just got back from a sixteen day stay in Italy. I toured around, did some hiking, saw some churches, and yeah, I ate some food. And by "some food" I really mean "a lot of food".
But the thing was, in all the restaurants I ate in, there were Italians eating the same meals. White bread and pasta, meats, cheese, and drinking wine. And almost without fail they were thin.
It's been a difficult 9 months. My Mother died 9 months ago today. We were really close and part of a really small family. I can't believe that she's gone. About two months ago, a friend of mine died. She was battling cancer and seemed to pull through it, but then something happened and she very suddenly died.
And I just had to say to hell with this crap about my weight and what I eat and everything. I just can't let it keep being the focus of who I am. It's stupid and I am tired of spending any mental energy on it.
But then I went to Italy. And I saw people indulging and eating and MOVING. And I thought, these people are eating real foods in sensible portions. They walk a lot. They maybe go to the gym. But they mostly just seem to be living their lives. And it reconfirmed to me that I can live like that. And for two weeks I did. I ate and really enjoyed food again. I couldn't wait until the next meal because I was so excited to try so many wonderful things and to taste regional specialties while still just living my life. I didn't need to feel bad about it. I just needed to try it and then go on to the next thing.
With that revelation, I vowed to myself then and there that I am going to rediscover my love of food. Of cooking. Of tasting. And in that, I am done beating myself up about what I eat and worrying about too many carbs or too few proteins. And I am done with frankenfoods. The diet industry does us a disservice by touting these crap foods made of chemicals that are low-calorie! Low Point! Low fat! High in Protein! Gluten free!
Whatever. I am putting my hands up in surrender and turning my back on the lunacy. Part of this reclamation of my body and my palate is kick starting my blog again. I am still in the heady post-vacation glow where I feel like I have time to live my life and keeping up the blog seems doable. But I need to recreate a healthy relationship with food because food keeps me healthy. And sane. And in joy.
So yeah. Food. Food Glorious Food. As part of my overall healthy lifestyle. Healthy lifestyle is my new buzz phrase and I am carrying it with me. Because my Mom can't. She worried about her weight her whole life and I really believe it sometimes held her back. And my friend can't. The last time I saw her, we went to have lunch and despite having fought cancer (and seemingly survived) for a year, she was concerned about how fat she had gotten during treatment and was off to buy spanx. She was beautiful and talented and smart. And the fact that either of these two amazing women spent time feeling bad about who they were because of weight just makes me so sad. And when I think of all the time I have wasted feeling bad about it, it makes me super sad. But I have the choice to reclaim the time. To stop focusing on what's wrong with me and to focus on what's right. To living as well as I can each day in every way, and not just in relation to food.
I did it in Italy and it was EXTRAORDINARY. I was EXTRAORDINARY. And so dynagrrl 3.0 starts here.